you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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