I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
