i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
