i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
