Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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