so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
