I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
