I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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