we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
