he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
