would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
