Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
