I have demons in me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
