Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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