you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
