my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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