He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
