so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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