Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
