so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
