Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
