I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
