i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
