Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
