definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
