I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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