She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
