Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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