if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
