that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
