his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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