I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am midnight drunk by noon
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
