She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
