My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
