hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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