I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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