After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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