I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am available for nakedness
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
