Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
