theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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