I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
