I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
