and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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