i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
