Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
