I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
