I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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