The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
