I wannas sexs uuuuu
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
