Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
