Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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