I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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