So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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